You can get a divorce without the other person. Every state allows it through a process called default divorce, where the court dissolves the marriage after your spouse fails to respond to properly served papers within the deadline. What the process demands from you depends on the situation: a spouse who is ignoring the case is a much simpler problem than a spouse who cannot be found, and the second scenario also limits what the judge can order at the end.
How a Default Divorce Works
A default divorce is the court’s built-in process for handling a respondent who does not show up. You file a petition for dissolution of marriage, serve your spouse (or satisfy an approved alternative), and the court gives them a set window to file a written response. The response deadline varies by state but typically falls between 20 and 30 days after service, and it runs longer when service was by publication.
When that deadline passes with no response, you file a request for entry of default with the court clerk. That formally establishes that your spouse did not answer. You then request a default judgment hearing, where you are the only party presenting evidence but still carry a real burden: proof that service was properly completed, that you meet residency and grounds requirements, and a proposed plan for property, debts, and any children.
The judge is not required to sign off on whatever you request. The court reviews your proposed terms for fairness before granting the judgment, particularly when children or significant assets are involved.
Before any of this, you need to meet your state’s residency requirement, which ranges from as little as six weeks to a full year of continuous residence. Many states also require a shorter residency in the specific county where you file. You also need legal grounds, and every state offers no-fault divorce — irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage — so you do not have to prove wrongdoing. Fault grounds like abandonment or adultery still exist in some states but rarely matter in a default case, since no one is there to contest them.
When Your Spouse Won’t Participate
If you know where your spouse is and a process server or sheriff’s deputy can hand them the papers, personal service is straightforward. From that point, the ball is in their court. If they choose to ignore the papers, the response deadline passes and you proceed with default. A case like this can wrap up in roughly two to four months, subject to your state’s mandatory waiting period.
When you know where your spouse lives or works but cannot catch them in person, courts may authorize substituted service. This involves leaving the papers with another competent adult at your spouse’s home or workplace and then mailing a copy to the same address. You need a court order permitting this, supported by an affidavit describing your failed attempts at personal service.
When You Cannot Find Your Spouse
The harder case is a missing spouse. Before a court will let you use any alternative to handing the papers over in person, you have to prove what the law calls “due diligence”: you exhausted reasonable avenues to locate them. This is documented in a sworn affidavit, and judges scrutinize these closely. A single internet search does not come close.
The specific steps expected vary by jurisdiction, but a thorough diligent search typically includes:
- Reaching out to your spouse’s relatives, friends, former coworkers, and anyone else who might know where they are.
- Checking motor vehicle records, tax assessor offices, professional licensing boards, and the post office for a forwarding address.
- Contacting your spouse’s last known employer, any trade unions, and pension or retirement plan administrators for addresses where W-2s or benefit statements were mailed.
- Searching arrest records, state department of corrections inmate databases, and the Federal Bureau of Prisons.
- Checking utility companies and phone directories in the area where your spouse last lived.
- Verifying military status through the Department of Defense Manpower Data Center.
Document every step, including dead ends. If you called your spouse’s sister and she said she has not heard from them in two years, that goes in the affidavit. Courts want to see that you actually tried.
Service by Publication
If the search comes up empty, the court may authorize service by publication as a last resort. You publish a legal notice in a newspaper of general circulation in the area where your spouse was last known to live. The notice typically runs once a week for three to four consecutive weeks, depending on the state. Publication costs generally run between $100 and $300, though newspaper rates and required frequency can push that higher.
Service by publication is the weakest form of notice, and courts know it. Most people do not read legal notices in newspapers. That reality shapes what the court can order at the end of the case.
Service by Posting
A small number of states allow service by posting the notice in a public place, usually a courthouse bulletin board. This is even more restricted than publication and is generally reserved for cases with no minor children and no significant property to divide.
What a Judge Can and Can’t Order Without Personal Service
This is where a default divorce built on publication runs into a wall that catches many people off guard. When your spouse was never personally served, the court typically has jurisdiction to dissolve the marriage but may lack personal jurisdiction over your absent spouse. The practical consequence: the court can declare you divorced but may be unable to order your spouse to pay alimony, divide retirement accounts, transfer property titles, or comply with other financial obligations.
The extent of the limitation varies by state. Some allow broader relief in default cases than others, and a court with jurisdiction over real property in the state may be able to divide that property regardless of how service happened. As a general rule, though, if you need financial orders that require your spouse to do something, you are in a much stronger position with personal service or substituted service than with publication alone.
When a court does have authority to order spousal support and the absent spouse’s income is unknown, judges handle it by imputing income based on earning capacity. The judge estimates what your spouse could reasonably earn given their education, work history, and skills, drawing on your testimony, industry wage data, and other available evidence. The result is an educated estimate and can be revisited later if your spouse resurfaces.
Children and Military Spouses: Extra Steps
Custody When a Parent Is Missing
Under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, adopted in all 50 states, a court must establish jurisdiction over custody before ruling on it. The primary basis is “home state” jurisdiction, which belongs to the state where the child has lived for at least six consecutive months before the case was filed. When one parent is missing, the home state is almost always wherever the child has been living with the filing parent, so this rarely poses a problem. The court will still check for any possibility that the absent parent filed a custody case elsewhere, because the UCCJEA exists to prevent conflicting orders across states.
Courts award custody based on the child’s best interests, and an absent parent’s failure to participate does not automatically strip them of all rights. A judge may grant the filing parent sole legal and physical custody while leaving the absent parent room to seek modification later. Courts are generally reluctant to terminate parental rights entirely based on a default, especially without clear evidence of abandonment.
The Military Service Affidavit
Federal law adds a mandatory step before any court can enter a default judgment against someone who may be in the military. Under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, you must file an affidavit stating whether your spouse is on active duty, supported by the facts showing how you determined it. Active-duty status can be verified through the Department of Defense Manpower Data Center’s online system.
If your spouse is on active duty, the court cannot enter default until it appoints an attorney to represent them, and it must grant a stay of at least 90 days if a valid defense might exist that cannot be presented without the servicemember. If you cannot determine military status, the court may require you to post a bond to protect against losses from an improper default. Filing a false military service affidavit is a federal crime punishable by up to one year in prison, a fine, or both, and skipping the affidavit altogether is grounds for the entire judgment to be thrown out.
How Long It Takes
Most states impose a mandatory waiting period between filing and the final decree, ranging from about 20 days to six months. About a dozen jurisdictions have no waiting period at all. The clock runs whether or not your spouse participates.
A default divorce where your spouse simply ignores properly served papers might finish in two to four months. When you have to conduct a diligent search, get court permission for alternative service, publish notice for several weeks, wait out the response period, and schedule a hearing, plan on six months or longer. If your spouse is abroad, service through a foreign country’s Central Authority under the Hague Service Convention (or through diplomatic channels for non-signatory countries) can push the timeline past a year.
Can Your Spouse Undo the Divorce Later?
A default divorce is not always the final word. An absent spouse who later learns about the judgment can file a motion to set it aside, and courts grant these motions more often than most people expect. The common grounds are:
- Improper service — the diligent search was inadequate or publication requirements were not followed.
- Excusable neglect — a legitimate reason for not responding, such as a medical emergency, incarceration without access to legal resources, or genuine lack of knowledge about the case.
- Fraud or misrepresentation — concealing assets, misrepresenting facts in the petition, or arranging service in a way designed to prevent actual notice.
Deadlines to file a set-aside motion vary but are often six months to one year from the date of the judgment, or from when the absent spouse discovered it. For motions based on lack of jurisdiction, there is often no time limit at all, because a void judgment can be challenged at any point. Cutting corners on the search and service requirements may get you a faster divorce, but it creates a real risk of the whole thing being unwound later.