In a small number of states, you can sue someone for interfering with your marriage and recover real money, sometimes in the millions. Everywhere else, the specific claims that once made this possible have been abolished, and what remains is a much harder path. Whether you have a case depends first on where you live, then on what the third party did, and then on what you can prove.
The Two Claims That Make These Lawsuits Possible
Two old common-law torts do the work here: alienation of affection and criminal conversation. They are separate claims with different requirements, and a plaintiff in a state that recognizes both can bring them together.
Alienation of affection lets a married person sue a third party who deliberately disrupted the marriage and caused the loss of a spouse’s love. You have to show three things: that genuine love and affection existed in the marriage, that the defendant took deliberate actions that interfered with it, and that those actions directly caused the loss of affection. There is no requirement of a sexual relationship. The defendant does not even have to be a romantic rival — courts have allowed claims against relatives who pressured a spouse to leave, therapists who overstepped, and clergy who encouraged divorce instead of reconciliation. What matters is deliberate interference that damaged the marriage.
Criminal conversation is narrower and, despite the name, has nothing to do with criminal charges. It allows a spouse to sue a third party who had sexual intercourse with the other spouse during the marriage. There is one factual requirement: proof that a sexual relationship occurred while the marriage was intact. You do not need to show the marriage suffered or that affection was lost. The sexual act itself is the claim. Some jurisdictions have held that the defendant’s ignorance of the marriage is not even a defense.
Where These Lawsuits Still Work
Most states abolished both torts long ago, treating them as relics that intrude on personal privacy and clog courts with emotionally driven litigation. As of 2026, roughly five to six states still recognize one or both. The states with the most active case law are Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. North Carolina sees these lawsuits filed regularly and has produced some of the largest verdicts in the country.
The list keeps shrinking. Illinois eliminated both torts in 2016. New Mexico’s Supreme Court struck down alienation of affection more recently, calling the doctrine outdated and rooted in a view of marriage that treated spouses as property. Legislative efforts continue elsewhere, though repeated attempts in North Carolina have stalled despite bipartisan support.
If your state abolished these claims, you generally cannot sue a third party under these theories. That is the boundary worth understanding before you spend money on a consultation expecting a straightforward case.
If Your State Abolished These Torts
You still have options, but they are narrower. The most common alternative is intentional infliction of emotional distress. To win, you have to prove conduct so extreme that an average person hearing the facts would find it outrageous. Ordinary adultery, even when it causes real suffering, almost never meets that bar. Courts have consistently held that the misconduct must go beyond the normal pain of marital betrayal.
The kind of behavior that might qualify includes sustained harassment campaigns, deliberate attempts to publicly humiliate the spouse, or manipulative conduct targeting someone vulnerable. A therapist who seduced a patient’s spouse during couples counseling could face both an IIED claim and a professional malpractice suit. A coworker who had a quiet affair that ended a marriage almost certainly falls short of outrageousness, even if the damage was severe.
Negligent infliction of emotional distress is theoretically available but harder still, because marital interference is almost always deliberate rather than accidental. Treat these alternative claims as narrow safety valves, not practical substitutes.
What You Can Actually Recover
Damage awards can be substantial. Juries consider the emotional harm, the strength of the marriage before the interference, and the severity of the defendant’s conduct. Compensatory damages typically cover emotional distress, humiliation, and loss of companionship. When the behavior is especially calculated or malicious, courts may add punitive damages.
In 2024, a North Carolina jury ordered a defendant to pay $1.75 million in an alienation of affection case, one of the largest awards in the state’s history. Verdicts in the hundreds of thousands of dollars are not uncommon in contested cases. Even smaller awards can be dwarfed by legal fees.
Insurance Will Not Help the Defendant
Homeowner’s and umbrella policies contain intentional acts exclusions that deny coverage for harm the insured expected or intended to cause. Because alienation of affection and criminal conversation are inherently intentional torts, insurance carriers routinely refuse to defend these claims or pay the resulting judgments. Damages come out of personal assets.
The Tax Bill on a Win
These damages compensate for emotional harm, not physical injury. Under federal tax law, damages received on account of personal physical injuries are excluded from gross income, but emotional distress by itself does not qualify. Most or all of the award is taxable as ordinary income. You can exclude amounts that reimburse actual medical expenses tied to the emotional distress, such as therapy costs. Punitive damages are always taxable.
What the Defendant Will Argue
Most contested cases turn on a few predictable defenses.
- The marriage was already broken. If love and affection had already disappeared before the defendant appeared, causation fails. Evidence of prolonged separation, prior divorce filings, documented conflict, or the plaintiff’s own extramarital relationships all support this defense. This is where most cases are actually won or lost.
- The defendant did not know about the marriage. For alienation of affection, genuine ignorance can defeat the willful interference element. It typically does not help against a criminal conversation claim.
- Consent. If the plaintiff knew about and accepted the relationship, some courts treat that as a bar to recovery. Proving it usually requires written communications or third-party testimony.
- Statute of limitations. These claims must be filed within a set window, typically three years from the point the marriage was seriously damaged. Missing the deadline ends the case regardless of the evidence.
The Evidence That Wins These Cases
The burden falls entirely on the plaintiff, and these cases live or die on evidence quality. Direct proof is the most powerful: text messages, emails, social media exchanges, photos, and financial records showing gifts or shared expenses between the defendant and the unfaithful spouse. Preserve screenshots carefully, since messages can be deleted and courts may question anything not properly authenticated.
Circumstantial evidence fills the gaps. Friends, family, or coworkers who saw changes in the marriage coinciding with the defendant’s involvement can be compelling witnesses. A treating mental health professional can speak to the emotional toll. Financial records showing sudden shifts in spending, living arrangements, or support obligations help establish concrete harm.
What a Private Investigator Can and Cannot Do
Investigators operate under strict legal limits. They can conduct surveillance from public spaces, photograph people in public, and search publicly available records and social media. They cannot enter private property without permission, record phone calls without proper consent, hack into email or social media accounts, or place hidden cameras or GPS trackers on property they do not own. Evidence obtained illegally is not just inadmissible; it can expose the investigator and the client to criminal liability and countersuits. Use a licensed investigator and keep the work inside those boundaries.
How a Marriage Interference Suit Interacts With Divorce
A tort claim against a third party is separate from a divorce, but the two often run in parallel. In roughly 19 states, marital fault including adultery is a factor courts consider when setting alimony. A few states treat proven adultery as a complete bar to spousal support for the unfaithful partner. Some also let judges account for fault in property division, particularly if marital funds were spent on the extramarital relationship.
The overlap matters in both directions. Evidence gathered for a tort claim often surfaces in the divorce, and vice versa. A successful verdict against a third party can strengthen the aggrieved spouse’s position in property negotiations. If the divorce reveals the marriage was failing long before the third party appeared, that same evidence can sink the tort claim.
Practical Realities Before You File
Everything becomes part of the public record once a complaint is filed: the marriage, the affair, and the personal details on both sides. Depositions and trial testimony can be embarrassing for the plaintiff too. Some defendants settle specifically to keep it quiet, which is why settlement amounts often stay confidential.
These cases can run for a year or more, and attorney and expert witness costs are the real financial burden. If your state still recognizes these claims, the statute of limitations is already running, and evidence preservation should start immediately. A family law attorney with specific experience in marital tort claims is worth the consultation, because the strategic decisions in these cases are not the ones a general practitioner is used to making.