A self-uniting marriage lets two people marry each other without a minister, judge, or any other officiant presiding. The couple exchange vows, sign the license themselves, and file it with the county, and the resulting marriage carries the same legal weight as one performed in a church or courthouse. Only a handful of U.S. jurisdictions explicitly allow it, and the rules split between places that open the option to everyone and places that limit it to members of certain religious traditions.
Where You Can Legally Marry Yourselves
The jurisdictions fall into two camps: those where any couple qualifies, and those that tie self-solemnization to religious affiliation.
Open to Any Couple
Colorado is the most straightforward. Its marriage statute lists “the parties to the marriage” alongside judges and public officials as people authorized to solemnize a marriage, with no religious requirement.1Justia. Colorado Code 14-2-109 – Solemnization and Registration of Marriages – Proxy Marriage Colorado also does not require any witnesses.
The District of Columbia likewise authorizes “the parties to the marriage” to solemnize their own union, treating it as its own category separate from religious societies without clergy.2D.C. Law Library. District of Columbia Code Chapter 4 – Marriage
Pennsylvania issues a separate self-uniting license designed for couples who intend to marry “by religious ceremony without officiating clergy.”3Pennsylvania General Assembly. Pennsylvania Code Title 23 – Section 1502 – Forms Where Parties Perform Ceremony The statute mentions religious ceremony, but a 2007 federal court ruling established that counties cannot deny the license based on secular beliefs. Pennsylvania does require two witnesses to attend and sign the certificate.
Limited to Religious Society Members
Kansas allows two people to marry by mutual declaration without an officiant, but only “in accordance with the customs, rules and regulations of any religious society, denomination or sect to which either of the parties belong.”4Kansas Legislature. Kansas Statutes 23-2504 Quaker and Bahá’í traditions are the most common examples, since both hold that no intermediary is needed for a spiritual union.
Illinois permits marriage “in accordance with the prescriptions of any religious denomination,” which can include denominations whose customs don’t call for an officiant. The couple must forward the completed certificate to the county clerk within 10 days. Wisconsin takes a similar approach, and courts there have accepted secular humanism as a qualifying affiliation.
California offers a “non-clergy” marriage license for members of religious denominations that don’t use clergy for solemnizing marriages. Some couples without traditional religious ties have used this successfully, though the outcome depends on how the issuing county interprets the requirement.
A Word About Nevada
Informal guides sometimes list Nevada as a self-solemnization state. It is not. Nevada’s marriage statute requires an authorized third party to perform the ceremony plus at least one additional witness, and the authorized list does not include the parties themselves.5Nevada Legislature. Nevada Code Chapter 122 – Marriage A self-performed ceremony in Nevada produces no valid marriage.
How This Differs From Common-Law Marriage
Self-uniting marriages are easy to confuse with common-law marriages, but they’re not the same thing. A self-solemnized marriage runs through the formal licensing process: you apply for a license, hold a ceremony however brief, sign the paperwork, and file it. You end up with an official marriage certificate.
Common-law marriage arises when a couple lives together, holds themselves out as married, and meets state-specific criteria without ever obtaining a license or holding a ceremony. Only a few states still recognize new common-law marriages, and proving one typically requires litigation. A self-uniting marriage sidesteps that uncertainty entirely because the documentation looks identical to any other marriage.
Getting the License
Both parties go to the county clerk’s office in person with government-issued photo ID and Social Security numbers. In Pennsylvania, applications go through the Clerk of Orphans’ Court or the Register of Wills, depending on the county. Fees vary by jurisdiction.
Tell the clerk you want a self-uniting license. In Pennsylvania the self-uniting form is a separate document; the standard officiant-signed certificate is replaced with a form where only the couple and witnesses sign.3Pennsylvania General Assembly. Pennsylvania Code Title 23 – Section 1502 – Forms Where Parties Perform Ceremony In Colorado, the couple signs both the “parties” section and the “officiant” section of the same license. Getting the wrong form causes problems at filing.
Some states impose a waiting period between license and ceremony. About 19 states enforce waits ranging from 24 hours to 8 days, though many self-solemnization states, including Colorado, have none. Licenses also expire if unused, with windows running from 30 to 90 days depending on the state. An expired license means paying for a new one.
The Ceremony
There is no required script. What the law does require is a mutual declaration of intent: each person states, in some form, that they take the other as their spouse. That exchange is the legal act that turns the license into a binding agreement. You can write your own vows, read a poem, or simply say “I take you as my spouse” in your living room. The words matter less than the mutual, voluntary commitment they express.
Witness rules depend on the state. Colorado requires none.1Justia. Colorado Code 14-2-109 – Solemnization and Registration of Marriages – Proxy Marriage Pennsylvania requires two witnesses who observe the vows and sign the certificate.3Pennsylvania General Assembly. Pennsylvania Code Title 23 – Section 1502 – Forms Where Parties Perform Ceremony Kansas and Illinois follow whatever the applicable religious society’s customs require, which may or may not include witnesses. Confirm your state’s rule before the ceremony so no required line goes unsigned.
Both parties sign the license immediately after the declaration. If witnesses are required, they sign at the same time. These signatures are what convert the license into a legal record.
Filing the Signed License
The signed license goes back to the county clerk’s office that issued it, by mail or in person. Deadlines vary more than you might expect. Colorado gives 63 days after the ceremony. Illinois wants the certificate within 10 days. Missing the deadline doesn’t automatically void the marriage in most places, but it can trigger penalties.
Colorado spells out one of the few explicit late-filing structures: a minimum $20 penalty, $5 for each additional day, up to a $50 maximum.1Justia. Colorado Code 14-2-109 – Solemnization and Registration of Marriages – Proxy Marriage Other states may require a court petition or make you start over. File the week of your ceremony and the problem never comes up.
Order several certified copies of the marriage certificate when the clerk records it. Fees run from roughly $6 to $35 depending on jurisdiction. Name changes, insurance enrollment, bank accounts, and beneficiary updates each want a certified copy, and ordering extras upfront is cheaper than requesting them one at a time later.
Will It Be Recognized Everywhere?
Federal agencies recognize a marriage as valid if it was legal where it was performed. The IRS applies this place-of-celebration rule under Revenue Ruling 2013-17, so a self-solemnized couple can file jointly and claim every tax benefit available to married couples.6Internal Revenue Service. Revenue Ruling 2013-17 USCIS uses the same standard for marriage-based visa petitions, requiring a valid marriage certificate as evidence, which makes timely filing with the clerk and ordering a certified copy especially important.7U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Policy Manual – Volume 6 – Part B – Chapter 6 – Spouses The Social Security Administration accepts a certified copy of the public marriage record as proof of a ceremonial marriage.8Social Security Administration. Social Security Handbook – Evidence of Ceremonial Marriage
Other states generally follow the same principle: a marriage valid where celebrated is valid everywhere. A self-uniting marriage performed legally in Colorado is recognized when the couple later moves to Texas or New York, even though neither state offers the option itself.
The one practical friction point is clerks or agencies unfamiliar with the concept who question the missing officiant signature. Pointing them to the specific state statute that authorized the marriage usually resolves it. Keeping a copy of that statute with your paperwork during the first weeks of post-marriage errands saves time.